My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
