i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize