in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
