wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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