plz talk dirty to me
Please, let me fuck your mom
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
