I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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