I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
