I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
