Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
