i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
