Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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