Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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