I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
