I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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