im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
