Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
