when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
