If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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