I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
