No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
