You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
