the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
