u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
