shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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