Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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