he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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