Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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