i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
