I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
