New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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