Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
