I cannot find my penis.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
