Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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