Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
