she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
