Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
