so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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