Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
