I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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