Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
