At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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