I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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