do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
