I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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