Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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