Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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