census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
