Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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