I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
