He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
where are my eyebrows?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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