I must be too annoying 4 u.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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