I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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