So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it glows. i had to have it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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