Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
