His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
