After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
