i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
