:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
