I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
