i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
