i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
