she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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