She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Im part way to drunk.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
