She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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