i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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