Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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