Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
