Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
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You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
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A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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