I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
