i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Boobs are out for the taking
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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