I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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