Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
