The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed