I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
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She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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