I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
