I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
