I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
