12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
