my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
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